Yesterday, I did a thing very much out of character. I called and updated my information with my college’s alumni office.
My college has recently gone on a campaign for their new alumni directory asking everyone to call into a hotline to update their info. Normally, I would ignoring these things because I don’t really care. Yes, I’m a bad person. It’s just I don’t like sitting on hold to talk to someone when it could easily be done via the internet. Apparently I’m in favor of giving all jobs to machines….
Anyway… I’m digressing.
The point is for some reason I was feeling generous with my time and I called in. Surprisingly enough I got to talk to a grandmotherly type almost immediately. After admitting that I had not actually lived at the address on file in the past 4 years and had gotten married (thus having a new last name) and had mothered a child, I think she realized it was going to be “a long one.” We then got to my favorite part, “So what would you like me to put as your profession?”
Me: “I Raise Damian.”
Pseudo- Grandmother: “Great! So you’re a homemaker?”
Me: “Uhhh sure?”
I’m not going to lie, when she said “homemaker” a lot of me cringed. Really? Homemaker? Is that what I am? Clearly she did not get that I meant “I Raise Damian” as a job title and not merely a statement of fact. Perhaps I should have asked for the more politically correct “Domestic Engineer” title. Or maybe the “Creator of A Human Life” title, although that sounds a little pompous. I’m not even ashamed of being at home with Damian so I have no clue why part of me shuttered at the word “homemaker.” Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up in the post-feminist world where “homemaker” might as well be a four letter word. Or because it conjures up images of me walking around with an apron and pearls while baking pie and helping Jimmy with his homework, none of which I do, thus making me a homemaking failure…
But I guess at the end of the day, I do make a home. I could get all philosophical on you here and discuss the implications of homemaking on society and the person, etc etc. but I’ll spare you (although it would let me put that philosophy degree to good use.) Instead I will say this… While I wasn’t around before or during the women’s rights movement and really have no right to make any opinion or judgment at all (not gonna stop me), I do wonder if there was some harm done to the overall woman’s psyche by telling her she ‘deserved more than being at home.’ I’m totally for women in the work place, equal pay, voting, and all that jazz, but did maybe we go overboard a bit with the rhetoric? Did we give women the impression they were too good to stay at home and raise a family and thus belittle any woman who saw it as her calling? I know I don’t speak for all women, but I can’t be the only one who, although absolutely happy with her decision to stay home, still shutters when someone calls her a homemaker. I just hope as our culture progresses we can embrace the fact that woman can really be anything–including stay at home moms.
So sure, call me a homemaker!
January 29, 2013 at 11:16 pm
There’s no good word for it. Call yourself a “full-time mom” and you tick off women with jobs outside the home who think that phrase insinuates that they cease to be parents in the workplace. Call yourself a “working mom” and you tick off women who do not earn paychecks outside the home who somehow think that insinuates they don’t work. I shudder at the term SAHM because frankly we are never at home. My husband tells everyone I am the COO of the Fleming Family Foundation, and I run with that.
January 29, 2013 at 11:19 pm
Haha I love that! Maybe I’ll have to use that one too. And you’re right. There’s always someone offended and I hate that.
January 29, 2013 at 11:34 pm
I had a little rant in this very topic on Facebook today. I did not “choose” to be a full-time homemaker because we are just so rich we thought it fitting to waste my Ivy League MBA. Truth is, I cannot afford to return to the workplace yet. My husband travels 4 days per week every other week, and my job was extremely time-consuming. We would need a live-in nanny to accommodate my hours (7am to 9pm plus time at night to respond to email and make phone calls), and my after-tax income wouldn’t cover all the costs that my return to the work place would incur. Society has made room for women in the workplace but does not yet accommodate the economic realities that parents face. My Wharton classmates gall me with their insensitive comments, like I “Gave up” or “couldn’t hack it” instead of saying, “wow, how much does childcare cost? I never thought of that!” I can only imagine the flack I would get if I added ‘homemaker’ to my alumni page or LinkedIn profile!
Here’s the article that kicked me off this morning: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/17/stay-at-home-moms-parents-parenting_n_2488463.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
January 30, 2013 at 12:23 am
I just read that article and died a bit on the inside. I think people do not realize that there can be joy in sacrifice.
On another note, I didn’t realize you went to university of Pennsylvania. I have a brother in law there now.
January 29, 2013 at 11:38 pm
And btw I too am happy with my decision to stay home. What I loathe are the assumptions people make about me/my family as a result of that decision.
January 29, 2013 at 11:46 pm
I love every ounce of this. That’s all.
January 30, 2013 at 12:24 am
Thanks love!!